sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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