it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
