i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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