i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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