wanna go halves on a baby?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
