y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
