alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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