A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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