Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
