Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't turn off my feet"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
