weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
why is half of my head shaved?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
