i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
