What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
