Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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