WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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