I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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