Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
