last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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