She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
