I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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