were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
