my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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