we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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