another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
