why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize