For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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