That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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