I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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