you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize