i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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