she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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