for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My balls are so social today.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize