I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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