So drunk its hurt
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
