Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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