i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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