I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
