I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize