For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
