I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
