i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize