What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
