just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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