I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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