Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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