Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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