I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
