My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
