So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My hand turned me down
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
