But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize