i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
