I think I am morally bankrupt
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
