girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
