im about as happy as oj after his trial
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
