whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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