a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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