Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
