Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
