I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
