went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
