I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize