Umm I'm too high to move.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
