Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
