if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
