i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
