you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
