This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sober January is a disaster.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
