i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
