You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
