I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Randomize
