i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
