watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
