then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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