when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize