How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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