R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
