In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
