i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
