She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
