I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
