it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
