I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
