had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
