She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
