Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
