Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We smell like vodka and hangover
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
