just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
