According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
