no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
