your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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