Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
