Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
look no pants
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
