just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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