Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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