found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
